Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
