I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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