the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
