Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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