In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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