Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
