my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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