if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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