so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
