I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
