I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
