One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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