Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize