I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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