literally had 100 drinks last night.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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