its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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