god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
