He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
