mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
