I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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