pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You ruined the universe
Randomize
