honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
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I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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