Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My vagina is officially offended.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
