I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
