Don't make out with my wife yet
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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