She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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