Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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