The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
