just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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