broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
