Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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