Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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