So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
