I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
