I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
