bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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