If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
