dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
There are leaves in my underwear?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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