I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
