I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
