No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
