i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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