His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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