What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
