hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
