You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
