Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
