I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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