Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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