Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
These tits shall not be calmed
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
