We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
