i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
there was a trapeze. enough said
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
