Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
