I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize