If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
