You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
