We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
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We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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