If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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