rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
