You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
