this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
