Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
