You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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