So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
