I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
