The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
