Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
