I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
